June 2023 Update
Well, NewTumbl is gone. Completely gone. Not sure where to upload next. On top of that, in January, Allie left to go traveling with a bullfriend. She decided to take a break from school and follow him. I don't know if or when she'll be back, because my communication with her since then has been sporadic. I've been making vids and images as an outlet for my frustration and to keep me from falling into depression. If anyone has suggestions on where to post next, please let me know.
Jay
Jay
1 year ago
I'm not saying there aren't true aspects of it, maybe. But it's entirely possible to fetishize something until it dominates your every thought, and then your priorities and dopamine pathways change over time, until it's become more important than everything else. It happened to a past girlfriend, according to your own posts, and now it's happened again. Allie going off like this is a direct result of her buying into the fantasy so hard, it's become an addiction. And if you don't believe me, why write "Allie left to go traveling with a bullfriend. She decided to take a break from school and follow him." She's not just following him, she's following the personification of her addiction, which has changed her priorities to become more important than you, school, and probably everything else. And you need to take some ownership in that happening.
So the question is now, do you learn from this or keep following the same path again and again? I'm just some random person on the internet, but maybe it's time to take a step back, work on yourself, your real-life relationships with family, friends, whoever, and take a solid break to re-examine your own priorities. Gotta take time for you bro, and stop relying on other people for your happiness.
And if anyone else in the comments says otherwise, that you should keep posting material right away? Remember that they don't give a fuck about you, they just want more material to beat their meat to. They're just too polite to actually say "Dance, monkey, dance".
Good luck with everything. Hopefully things work out.
One thing you haven't mentioned is Isaiah's role in all of this, beyond that of a 3rd partner or "bull". You say that Allie largely drove this, of course, but he isn't exactly blameless. But my point is that this entire cuck/bull/etc dynamic doesn't seem sustainable at the level that you say you want, without someone getting deeply hurt. There are far too many stories, at least twice your own as well, of people getting immersed in this "lifestyle" only for 1 of the 3+ people involved to get left to the side in favour of the desires or the other two. And typically it isn't the two dominant partners, aka the bull and wife/gf, that this happens to. Not with the husband/bf/cuck/etc to also maintain some dominance or prominence as well at any rate.
Last points: Creating content as an outlet is super healthy, so that's good. But the type of content is up to you. You're not restricted in that regard. But a break might be healthy for you, and for the nature and energy put into said content. Could be good to still maintain conversation with people to avoid isolation though. As for the "crying and cumming", that's because you've fucked up your Dopamine pathways over years of seeking out and encouraging a particular pathway for reward. The only way to reset that is to create time and distance from the addictive behaviours your brain is craving the dopamine from. If this sounds like bullshit pseudoscience, don't take my word for it, check out Dr Anna Lembke and her works on dopamine.
Either way, best of luck to you man. I hope you find your road out of this.